So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
