Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
