Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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