she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
