Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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