I wish I only lived at night.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
