I cockslap morals
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
