I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
