this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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