im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
