Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
