How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
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