I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
