i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just gargled with NyQuil
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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