A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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