My underwear smells like fireworks.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
