just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
