The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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