i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
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