glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
