WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
