I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
What happened to fro yo and sex?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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