Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
