My room smells like vodka and shame
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
try to milk me bitch
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