Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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