I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
