I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
