I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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