At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
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