i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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