I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Also, beer. Big fan.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
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