she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
