dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
