She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
