Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
