Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
