I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
