I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
