you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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