Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
