I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
