I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
