i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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