fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
