The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Green mimosas i think yes
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
