Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
