Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
