would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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