I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
