Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
