going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
