too bad you live with your parents still
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
