my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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