im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
