I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
