Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
