Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I wish there were birth control emojis
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
