wat bout pragnant strippers??
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
